Getting Into The Groove

I’m still struggling with the decision to give up coffee completely. I think I’m going to continue to incorporate it into my day. Other than the coffee, things are going really well.

I made my own bone broth. We saved bones from various different dinners, so we had some pork, steak, chicken and turkey bones. I threw them in my crock pot with some celery, leeks, onion, rosemary and water and let it simmer on low for three days. I strained it afterward and the broth filled about four mason jars. It started to solidify a bit shortly afterward and separated really nicely. It tastes really nice, too. I’ve read that bone broth is really nutritious and good for gut health and can be used for cooking or drank on its own. I’m excited to start using it.

I’ve made some paleo pancakes (so good), paleo ‘oatmeal’ (which had more of a grits consistency but I really enjoy it), turkey meatball and zoodle soup, and Matt is going to be making a paleo version of chicken tikka masala tonight with paleo ‘naan’. I’m stoked! Indian food is a favorite of ours.

I weighed myself recently and I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight at five months postpartum. I got there a lot more quickly than I did with my first pregnancy. I joined a YMCA recently and have made it a point to go five times a week, if possible. With two kids, it’s hard to find time to go. Thankfully they have a childcare center and my infant son loves it. My older son is in school during the day, so it makes it a bit easier.

My goal, aside from developing a better relationship with food, is to ultimately get stronger and healthier overall. My partner and I enjoy competing in OCRs (obstacle course races like Spartan or Tough Mudder) and would like to complete in a few this summer.

For now, I’m focusing on reconditioning my body. Fingers crossed.

The Struggle Is Real

The one aspect of the paleo way of eating that I’ve been struggling with more than any other (even bread and cheese) is coffee.

Classic paleo says coffee is out (because it’s a legume). Tea is fine, thankfully, although I’ve been drinking lots of chai and black tea lately in place of my usual cup o’ joe. But, while I love my tea, it’s just not the same.

‘Primal’ paleo allows coffee. It even allows some dairy products, so long as they’re grass-fed. I’m determined to keep dairy out of my diet since it’s been linked to inflammation issues and with lupus, I already have that in spades. But coffee? Can I please be allowed a little coffee?

My partner is adamant that we give it up entirely. He bought me a ton of tea for Christmas (and it’s delicious), but I’ve been sneaking off to Dunkin Donuts for my fix. I’ve been good, just a regular coffee with almond milk, no sugar or anything. But I can tell he’s miffed that I’m reneging on part of our oath to dive into this diet 100%. But with two kids (a 6yr old and a 5 month old), the caffeine from tea just doesn’t feel like enough.

If anyone else out there is paleo, what do you guys do in terms of coffee?

Paleo Update

Right after Christmas (literally December 26th) I was hit with a particularly nasty stomach virus. I think I heaved and expelled three days worth of food. It was awful. The gastro symptoms lasted two days, and as soon as that ended it was replaced with horrible body aches, chills, a slight fever and zero appetite. Once my appetite started to come back (I lost 6lbs in four days), I was hit with a nasty head cold. I was really congested and miserable.

I drank quite a bit of bone broth and stock while I was ill and it helped a lot. It really soothed my stomach and it was a good way of getting in nutrients when I couldn’t stomach food.

I’m starting to feel better, slowly but surely. I’ve managed to stick to a paleo diet 100% today. I made an omelette with spinach and leeks with some grapes and chai tea (with honey and almond milk) for breakfast, snacked on some grapes throughout the day, had a salad with mixed greens, ground turkey and Primal brand ranch dressing. For dinner we’re making homemade paleo tortillas and slow-cooked skirt steak with a coconut milk-derived sour cream (just mix the cream from a can of coconut milk with some lemon juice and it tastes EXACTLY like sour cream!).

We also joined a YMCA recently, too. They have an indoor pool, a track, free weights, classes and a child care center. I brought the 5 month old to the gym with me today. I haven’t worked out in a gym setting in quite a while and I can feel that my muscles are trying to respond how they used to, but they’ve lost a lot of strength. My numbers are dismal, but I’ll get here.

Attempting Paleo

I was researching different diets and happened to stumble across the paleo diet. It encourages eating plenty of vegetables, some fruit, some healthy fats (avocado, coconut) and some protein. It discourages you from eating grains, legumes and dairy.  It claimed to help with inflammation in auto-immune patients, gut health, brain fog, etc. It sounded great, and I loved that all of the recipes I found were relatively simple (only a few ingredients with an emphasis on the components being fresh and some spices) and I approached my partner about doing it.

Weight-loss has been steady. I’m about 7lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. My issue has been constantly binge-eating horrible things. I’m not against some processed junk food occasionally but it’s definitely become a staple in my diet. It’s quick, cheap and sets of reward responses in my brain. So yeah, sugary crap has become a big issue. My partner fell into the same eating habits as well, so we’re both feeling awful.

We purged our pantry first. We gave away any non-paleo items that we could. We put everything that wasn’t opened yet in a bag to donate to the local food bank and gave some items to family. We’ve been slowly working through the opened items and then did a huge shopping haul to pick up some essentials (spices, good olive and coconut oil) and some vegetables, fruits, non-dairy milk and some meat.

I love that the first thing I noticed when transitioning over to this diet was that I don’t feel bloated. That’s been a recurring issue for me. I also love the emphasis on getting everything fresh and making it yourself. No pre-packaged foods if possible.

I’m still eating a bowl of steel cut oats in the morning. Partly because we had some leftover to get rid of, and also because I’m exclusively breastfeeding and I’ve read it can help keep your supply up. But otherwise, for lunch today I’m making sweet potato ‘toast’ with some avocado, eggs and greens. For dinner later I have a salad with lots of greens, red onion, diced walnut, tomato, avocado, chicken, turmeric and apple cider vinegar.

The two hardest foods I’ve had to give up are coffee (I’ve switched to chai tea with a bit of honey and almond milk) and peanut butter. Cashew butter is a new favorite, but I do miss some good old fashioned PB.

I’m not going to restrict myself too much with the holidays. I don’t expect anyone to cook paleo food for me, and I refuse to not allow myself to enjoy whatever I’d like sometimes. M and I are going on a date this Friday and I’m looking forward to trying some good food, even though it likely won’t be paleo. Life is too short not to enjoy a little variety.

M already says he feels different, and we’ve only been transitioning over for about a week. Here’s to continuing to make good choices!

September 13, 2018

It’s been quite a while since I’ve updated this blog, and quite a bit has happened.

I went into labor on July 29. I’d been having contractions for two weeks, but they were always irregular. I was 3.5cm dilated and just waiting for the contractions to even out. On the 29th, I had regular contractions for two hours. They were a minute long, five minutes apart. When I contacted the OB on call to see if I should go in, she said that me being able to have a conversation through the contractions meant they probably weren’t the real thing, and to call back only if my water broke or the pain intensified.

I hate when doctors don’t take pain thresholds into account. Yes, I could talk through my contractions. I also went to school when my appendix blew because I thought I just had cramps.

I stopped tracking the contractions after that. I felt totally discouraged. My boyfriend, however, kept tracking them. Another hour of consistent contractions passed and he insisted we go in to get checked.

The nurse asked if I had my membranes swept when I arrived and then quickly proceeded to do so. I think she could see how exhausted I was and wanted to ensure I wouldn’t be sent home. As soon as she did the sweep, the pain intensified quite a bit. After an hour they checked me and I’d progressed to 5cm. They admitted me and I happily made the trip to the labor and delivery unit.

After getting hooked up to a traveling IV, I immediately hopped in the shower. The contractions were incredibly intense and coming every 2-3 minutes. My boyfriend was wonderfully supportive the entire time, but there’s not much you can do besides a back rub and reminding someone how to breathe.

After four hours of natural labor, they came to check me. I hadn’t progressed at all. If anything, the baby had moved higher up instead of lower. They wanted to use pitocin to get me going and I asked for an epidural. I wanted a natural labor, but pitocin-induced contractions were a whole other beast.

I tried to rest with the epidural, but I was too anxious. Within a few hours I was 8cm dilated. The nurse said to page her if I suddenly felt any pressure and she’d check me again. I asked to be checked 30 minutes later and the nurse seemed skeptical, but did as I asked. I was 10cm dilated, 100% effaced. I gave a practice push and the nurse confirmed it was go-time.

3 contractions later, Nathaniel was born.

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7.5lbs, 20 inches long. He had a slight case of jaundice, but was otherwise perfect. He latched as soon as they placed him on my chest.

My boyfriend fell in love with him immediately. He’s been an amazing father, especially considering this is his first child. He also believed in skin-to-skin contact. He’s changed many diapers, takes over as soon as he gets home from work so I can get a quick shower. He’s absolutely wonderful, and it makes everything so much easier.

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My older son loves the baby as well. He’s a great big brother. He doesn’t mind when the baby cries. He frequently asks to hold the baby. He’s very sweet and loving, the best I could hope for.

This has been the easiest recovery. The cramping afterward was really mild. I’ve dropped about half of the baby weight so far. Breastfeeding has been going incredibly well.

I’ve been vegan again for 4 days now, and it feels effortless and wonderful. My body feels great. I started very light postpartum yoga 3 weeks ago, and only started adopting it as a daily practice this week. I aim for 30 minutes of yoga a day, but some days I can only manage 15. Some days I can’t make it to the mat at all. I don’t stress it. With a baby currently going through his 6 week old growth spurt/sleep regression, I refuse to be angry if I don’t do everything I set out to do that day.

I’m not counting calories or macros and I don’t intend to. I’m just eating intuitively. If I’m hungry, I eat. If I’m not, I don’t. I’m not stressing it.

The baby is doing really well. He’s more alert and reactive every day. I’m not sure if he’ll be on the spectrum as well, and it’s way too early to tell. My gut says he’ll be neuro-typical, but I’m prepared either way.

I’m now just focused on being a mother of two, and embracing everything that means. I’m slowly finding a routine that works. I’m watching this little human grow and develop every day, and my oldest (who will be six years old this month!) has just started kindergarten and is also thriving.

I’m delving into practicing self-love and finding what brings me joy, while ridding my life of things that don’t. I’m embracing yoga, I’m enjoying spending less time on my phone (unless it’s for listening to a podcast or music), exploring meditation and also reiki again. I would also very much love to become a certified yoga instructor in the next few years. Hence developing a diligent practice now, while also making sure not to have it turn into an obsession.

It’s going to be interesting, seeing where life takes us.

I’ll update more when possible.

April 28, 2018

I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but I have a five year-old son who is on the spectrum. He’s very intelligent and creative, and mainly deals with some verbal and cognitive issues. He’s wonderfully loving and his sense of humor is amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better child.

When I first told him about the pregnancy, he insisted he wanted a sister. We allowed him to come with us to the anatomy scan so he could see the ultrasound and learn the sex of the new baby with us. He found the ultrasound really fascinating, and I think it made everything more real for him. He still insisted he was getting a sister, despite us telling him that no, the baby was a boy. It’s taken a little explaining for him to understand that I can’t just pick what sex the new baby will be.

Items for our new child have started arriving, including a pack-and-play. My son adored the pack-and-play when he was younger. He’d climb into it to nap or watch TV, or play. Seeing a box for one got him very interested, as well as the picture of a baby on the box. He asked if that was his brother, and I told him that no, the baby was still in my belly. He asked if the baby could sleep in his room, that the baby would be very cute, etc. It warmed my heart to hear him start to show interest in the pregnancy (I know that at 5 years old, waiting nine months must feel like a lifetime).

I was imagining my son growing up with a little brother and was suddenly worried about how that could go. What if this child isn’t on the spectrum? What if this child is neuro-typical and rejects him? What if my older son realizes he’s a little different? The children in his pre-k class all adore him and treat him well, but none of them live with us. What might having a neuro-typical child mean?

I brought this up with my partner last night, and he immediately assured me that he’d already looked into it. He said everything he read suggested that children (especially at a young age) know right away when someone is different, but that it usually leads to a loving and protective relationship. That even if this new baby is NT (neuro-typical), he’ll view my older son as his big brother and love him all the more for it. That we’ll raise them to be good and loving children who are understanding and accepting.

I felt a lot better after discussing it. I have to remember too, just how the other kids react to my son. When we go to the park he has no qualms running over to a group of kids and asking them to play, and they all readily agree. When I drop him off at school and we walk through the door, most of the kids call out to him to say good morning, or ask him to sit with them. He even has a classmate who seems to understand his needs and behavior, and is extra patient with him, rubs his back whenever he gets a little anxious, reminds him a few times about what activity they’re doing if my son gets distracted/off track.

I don’t know if people realize how much encouraging empathy and compassion in their children can mean to someone else. I’m chronically ill myself, and I have very vivid memories of children being less than understanding and kind, even from a very young age. I think each generation is teaching their children to be more aware and kind to one another, and I can tell you hands-down that it’s greatly appreciated and never goes unnoticed.

With those fears and anxieties calmed a bit, I’m left to focus on other things. I’ve been a bit more active since the weather has been so beautiful. I’ll hike 3 miles at a time as often as I can. I’m lifting weights a bit at home, still. All I need to do is wrangle in my eating habits. I don’t eat junk food, but the amount that I’ve been eating has been far too much. Binge eating is really, really difficult to control and get a handle on. I know it’s a mental struggle and I’m trying my best to combat it. I’m going to try meal planning and give that a go.

I’m also researching hypno-birthing and reading Childbirth Without Fear. I want this labor to be unmedicated, and I’m looking into everything I can to help that to happen. With my first son, I had an epidural. My contractions were spinal contractions and excruciating, and I was barely able to move. However, having the epidural meant I was confined to my bed for the entire labor and delivery and it was incredibly boring. I want to be able to move while I labor.

If the pain becomes overwhelming, I’ll definitely consider my options but for now, I’m set on having as natural a birth as possible.