February 28, 2018

M’s birthday came and went, and my old diet along with it. Even so, those eggs and dairy bested me for a bit, but I’ve now managed two days of a truly vegan diet with no issues.

This morning was vegan blueberry pancakes (in honor of National Pancake Day, which I missed yesterday). Lunch was veggies and garlic roasted hummus (I need to start making my own again). I still feel relatively full from that, however, so dinner will be light. Yesterday was a salad, and tonight I’m thinking some greens with bell peppers, tomatoes, some diced apple, some mango and a citrus/ginger dressing. The dressing is beyond amazing.

This week has been all about evaluating where I’m at in every aspect of my life.

  • Am I happy with where I’m at financially? No. Is there a good job opportunity I’ve been putting off? Yes. Am I officially looking into it? You betcha.
  • Are there people in my life who have been a negative and toxic influence? Yes. Have I been making or accepting excuses for their behavior? Yes. Am I now practicing setting boundaries with those people? Absolutely.
  • Physically, even if I’m having a day where I feel exhausted or sick, is there anything I can do to stay a little active? I certainly can. I re-downloaded my favorite yoga app and squeezed in a 30 minute session. Even nauseous and exhausted, the ‘beginner’ setting was just enough to make my muscles feel relaxed without over-taxing them.
  • Is there any reason not to stick to a vegan and cruelty-free lifestyle now? Nope.

It feels good to be getting back to good self-care, even if it’s just covering the most basic areas. I started journaling again. I’m taking stock of the things I’m grateful for and that make me happy.

I even tried something new for my anxiety, which has been a big issue for the past few weeks. I’m typically an anxious person to begin with, but lately it’s been borderline out of control. My mind felt totally over-stimulated today. Lots of racing thoughts and almost physical discomfort, and a massive sense of feeling overwhelmed. Normally, I distract myself with anything and everything. I’ll play music, or a game, or watch a show. Anything to keep myself from being present (and for someone who prides herself on her spirituality, that is an absolutely appalling  thing to want to achieve). At times I literally had Netflix on the TV, Youtube playing on my computer and was scrolling through facebook on my phone.

The mental gymnastics were amazing.

Today, the moment that feeling kicked in, I tried something new.

I shut off everything.

There was no TV. No music playing. I put my phone down on the charger and walked away from it. I cleaned, instead. I folded laundry. I washed the dishes. I swept the floor, all in complete silence.

And it was wonderful. 

My mind immediately calmed and muted. The anxiety receded almost entirely. I could actually hear myself think. No more thousand-thoughts-a-second. No more fearing being present. I was present, and I was okay. It was so blissful that I could have cried. I wondered if other people suffering from anxiety had tried this. I’ve heard of breathing exercises and apps that played soothing music, but has anyone just tried standing still in silence?

10/10, would highly recommend giving it a go.

And with all of that, today has been wonderful. Despite moments of stress, despite nausea and fatigue and feeling like general crap, today was a good day. My mind is at ease, and I am so grateful for this.

Here’s to finding ways to make tomorrow good as well.

February 21, 2018

Today was not a good day for the Vegan Lifestyle Overhaul I intended.

I’ve been trying to be good about it; both the dietary change as well as healthier choices in general. I’m 16 weeks pregnant with my second child. I’ve put on significantly more weight than I ever intended to within these 16 weeks and I need to slow it down, if not reverse it a little. I have a good plan of attack for it. My discipline in carrying out this Grand Plan has been dismal.

Breakfast today was vegan buckwheat chocolate chip and banana pancakes, which I split with my son. I wound up meeting with my ex-husband and my ex-mother in-law after dropping the kiddo off  at school to discuss his assessment coming up for entering kindergarten, then headed to the gym. I focused on upper body today (biceps, shoulders, chest, back and triceps). After lifting, I met up with a friend for something to eat and my Grand Vegan Plan went out the window. Eggs with veggies and cheese. Eggs and dairy.

Damn it.

I went for a quick hike afterward, then picked up the kiddo and grabbed ice cream as well as some time at the park.

Again, dairy. Again, damn it.

Now that we’re home, I intend to have Banza pasta for dinner. It’s made of chick peas and packs 25 grams of protein, which is fairly amazing. Topping that off with some veggies (sauteed without oil) and a mushroom pasta sauce. The craving for mushrooms is real today.

Tomorrow is another day and I intend to do better. I’m satisfied with my activity level today, but nutrition is always the most difficult for me to reign in. It’s so discouraging. This Friday is the boyfriend’s birthday dinner, and of course he wants to go to a steak house. He’s a definite carnivore, and I have no qualms with that, but this birthday is going to be tough. They literally only offer meet as an option, so I’m guessing the Grand Vegan Plan is going to be compromised.

For now, I’m going to focus on tomorrow. Utilizing the MyFitnessPal app has been helpful and I need to remember to log everything again tomorrow.

Until then, my vegan-struggling friends.